A little bit of me...

As has become my practice, I seem to post here very rarely, usually as a reflection on the end of a year. However, I read very often as I enjoy the depth of experience LJ provides as opposed to facebook, etc.

So, 2011.  WOW, what a year. It marked an end to my job at Special Olympics Illinois. A big move from Illinois to Arizona. Arizona?! Leaving our friends and family and the hope of a better tomorrow.

So, as we have been in Arizona for just 4 months, I can say that job opportunities have been much improved over where we were in Illinois. Joe's job is really great, he's busy and making friends. I enjoy my job, and the people I'm working with. However the friends front has been sad. Everyone I work with is much younger than I am. We have met a couple of our neighbors, but they are much older than we are and other than that, no one. We have found a church that we really enjoy attending, however, it is huge. Meeting friends there is impossible. We have thought about joining a "neighborhood group" through the church and may do that after the new year. Friendship - It's our biggest challenge in moving. It's been more difficult for me than Joe in leaving behind our friends in Illinois and is definitely an area I am struggling with. Didn't making new friends used to be much easier??  :)

This is the year that our daughter will graduate college and be married. I can't believe it! We have a busy year to look forward to.

Personally, I am not making resolutions, but do have a couple of goals that I'm striving to meet throughout this new year. Hopefully posting more often will be among them.

I wish you all much love and peace in the coming year.

I was so ticked today at the woman at Hallmark. Jen and I went to get father's day cards-me to Jewel grocery store since I had to get food too, Jen to the Hallmark right next door. Jen selects a card that had beautiful words that truly describe her and her dad. She selected the card solely on the words...takes it to the register where the woman ringing her up says "um, this is a mahogany card, you might want to select a different card". Jen says "what??" She points out to Jen that the front has a picture of a black dad and a black daughter...

Jen tells her that she will keep the card that it is perfect for her.  I told her she should have told the woman that she doesn't see color that she sees the heart of people...but Jen didn't think of that she was just so taken back by the ignorance of this woman.

But, really? What is this ladies problem? I was floored that she said that to her. Bigot much?

Divine Appointments. A coming of age story for Josie Brooks, approaching 50, pre-menopause. Josie struggles with never having put down roots, moving for her job from city to city, with no strong friend base. Until she lands in Chicago. Josie discovers friendship, balance and love. Secondary characters give the book depth and offer a genuine look into their lives from a Christian point of view. While the book is "Christian Fiction" there is not an "in your face" feel to it and this reader appreciated the subtle inclusion. An all-together fell good book the one distracting element was a secondary character's novel being written (poorly) throughout the storyline, but I was able to muddle through those sections and did truly enjoy the book.

Totally borrowed from a friend of a friend...but a good lesson nonetheless....and sent to MY daughter.

Letter to my daughter ( in the wake of senseless tragedy)

Hello my girl,

I wanted to say hi and tell you how much I miss you and that I hope your classes are going well and that you are having fun too. But I also have to have a mom moment- bear with me here.  I won't take long, and I won't be saying anything I haven't already said in one form or another, but it is important.

You may or may not have heard about the NJ college student who killed himself last week because his room-mate had posted videotape of him having sex with another guy.  A terrible, senseless tragedy.

My mom job requires that I remind you of two essential things:

One:  Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING.

Two:  Nothing ruins your life forever. NOTHING.

If that young man had only waited a couple of weeks nobody would have cared - he'd have gotten past it.  If he had been able to seek out help...someone he trusted to talk with, to help him.  People have short memories- life would have gotten better, much better.  His parents and friends? They loved him prior to the tape- they would have loved him afterward too.  A few awkward moments and then life goes on. 

But when you are young you don't know that even the awkward moments are fleeting.  On this,  you just have to trust the old people.  Remember when you were really small and cried and cried over something?  Well, it didn't last.  That's kind of what it's like- awful things happen, you feel like there's a rock in the pit of your stomach, somehow time goes by and it gets better.  I promise you, it ALWAYS gets better.

The students, a girl and boy, who were involved in the taping and posting-- they are being charged with bias crime, invasion of privacy and possibly other things.  Their college life is over.  They will have to live with this death the rest of their lives-- and their families are devastated.  What they did was so wrong- but also so kid-stupid.  Not to mention mean. And so their lives will be different forever- but even so- their families will love them and they will have time enough to hopefully live in such a way as to make meaning from their mistake.

So, my beautiful girl, never ever think something is unfixable. 

 NOTHING you do will ever keep us from loving you. 

 NOTHING you do could be so awful you can't get past it. 

And if someone is mean to you, and it isn't something you can ignore-- seek out people to talk to about it.  Surround yourself with people who are supportive.  If you ever need help and don't know how to ask- try writing a letter instead.  And right now- before you might need such help- think about who you would talk to if needed.  In the midst of turmoil sometimes we don't always think as clearly- having a plan makes it easier to find help in crisis. 

And remember there are always alternatives. Always.

Finally, don't be mean.  Don't let other people be mean. Stand up for the underdog, protect those who aren't as smart or confident or easygoing as yourself. Treat people's feelings like fragile little puppies- if you play with them- be gentle.

I love you so much and I know you really don't need me to tell you this stuff.... but it's my job.

Love and hugs,
Mom

A week ago today I received news that a very dear friend passed away in the middle of the night.  She was truly the best woman I know and it was completely shocking news (as was evidenced by the 1,200 people who attended her memorial service!).  I was stunned and frozen in place for days.  Her death has made me realize that I am not the person I want to be and that time on earth is short. 

There are a number of attitudes that I would like to adjust (yes, only mine...although I could suggest some for a few others...but i won't LOL). I want to really embrace each day with the expectation that something GREAT will happen.  I want to SEE others in a new way...with compassion and love. I want to go to sleep each night knowing that I made it a fabulous day and that I cared for people that day. I want to make sure my family knows that I love them every single day...I want to re-energize my relationship with Jesus as I have not held up my end of the bargain for quite some time.  I want to LIVE each day to it's fullest potential!!!

I have a lot of work to do, but I don't want to be complacent anymore, I want to be completely intentional about everything I do and make a difference. 

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3:12-14

I want to FINISH STRONG!!!  

Today was an unexpected snow day for me.  My boss called me at 6:45 to tell me to stay home.  I am working from home so as to not use a vacation day.  It's a welcome surprise, especially since the roads really don't look too bad out there.  One of my co-workers called me to see if I am indeed working and then proceeded to give me several "assignments"...

I had a nice morning, worked out mid-morning instead of while it is still dark outside.  I am working, but also researching potential vacation spots too...I really want to go somewhere tropical at Christmas time.  The only catch is we have a timeshare that I want to use for the exchange of week, I called about a location in St. Lucia and there is no availability.

So friends, give me your top vacation spots in the Caribbean!!  

So another year has come and gone...well it's going anyway.  I look back and ask myself if I've accomplished all that I had hoped at the start of 2009.  My motto for 2009 had been "Each Day A New Beginning". 

I am disappointed that I did not achieve my weight loss goals, in fact, I actually am ending the year slightly heavier than I began it.  I am absolutely making changes in that arena which began a couple of weeks ago.  One motivator is that I have been asked to stand up in a wedding taking place July 4, 2010.  Our community center is initiating a challenge that includes specific exercise goals that must be met weekly, a nutritional planner, weekly meetings etc.  I am trying to decide if I want to join that group or just work on my own.  There is some merit to the accountability of a group setting.  I need to decide by Jan. 11 as it is the last day to register.

I am proud to say that I did finally finish my Bachelor's Degree and officially graduated (albeit long-distance with no hoopla) on June 28, 2009.  It sure is wonderful to not be tied to homework deadlines every week.  I have not had any positive movement with my job and with our State of Illinois governmental crisis have not seen a pay raise in 2 years (I am technically a state employee).  I already make less than my counterparts due to the nature of the non-profit world and am not sure what to do about this.  I like my job (duties, etc), the benefits (time off is amazing) and the organization that I work for, but there will be no opportunities for advancement and I have student loans to now pay off.  I must make a decision about my job situation in 2010.

I am happy to report that after 4 years of floundering faith-wise, I discovered a church where I felt like it was "home".  It still amazes me that in a congregation of 2000+ people I came away from my first visit there knowing that this is the church home I've been searching for.  However, it is still true today.  I get excited about going to church each week.  For 2010 I need to work on spending more time studying and reading my Bible.

It is always my goal to read at least a book a week and while I didn't read 52 books in 2009 I have read many more than I expected once school was finished.  I am continuing on and expect to hit the 52 book goal in 2010.  Now to read books of substance...something more to work on! :)

I am adding a financial component to my 2010 goals.  I have some organization and strategic planning to do as far as my finances go.  It is my goal to finish 2010 in much better financial shape than I am ending 2009.  I think once I get a handle on this I will be able to finally sleep at night (at least all night I hope).  It has been a source of concern as of late and needs to be rectified. 

So...times are a changing in 2010.  The hope of tomorrow is my new motto...living each day with the hope that tomorrow will be better/happier/more fulfilling than today.

Good bye 2009...Bring on 2010!!

Long story...new church...

So, since we moved to our new house 4 years ago, we haven't really had a church to call home.  The church we had attended for 15 years had become a hotbed of controversy and since it was 45 mins to an hour to get there it was a good time to stop...although we remain friends with a number of people from that congregation.  We tried several churches out near our home and nothing "clicked" with us.  That is until last week.  Now, just to be clear, Joe isn't interested in going to church at this point, he has some anger towards God that he needs to work out...he knows it, God knows it and I'm praying that they will fix it soon.

Deb (my SIL) and I decided to try Christ Community Church (CCC) about 20 minutes away.  I had been there many years ago and did not love it, but because at that time they always did a "drama" before the sermon.  I just can't get into that.  But, I have a friend from my previous church who has been going and she assured me the days of drama were long gone.  So...Deb and I decided to give it a go....and WOW, as I told Deb on the way out...it felt like home.  Funny, she said she felt the same way! 

That same day Jen had been home and went to our old church...she has always been so anti-change...but this time she came home from church and the minute she saw me and I asked her how church was she burst into tears.  She said that she was so sad that church was not as she expected.  She got nothing out of the praise and worship (which is HUGE for her, she LOVES that part of the service) and that she was sad that the congregation size had dwindled from it's normal 250+ to about 80.  I told her that this has been coming, that the leadership of the church was really due for a change...as much as I love them, they aren't leading in a way that is pleasing to God (IMHO).  She told me that she didn't feel she could return.  Again...huge statement for her to make because all the while we were not going to church she WAS driving the hour to attend this church because it was her home, she'd been involved...seriously involved (as we all had) since she was 1.

Anyway, jumping to this week.  I invited her to attend CCC with us and she agreed.  To keep up...let me just remind you, Jen doesn't like change of any kind...and she doesn't like large churches.  She likes to feel like every single person in the church knows her and is her family...which is how it used to be at our old church.  So...Jen and Eric attend church with us and I'm expecting Jen to say, well it was fine but it isn't something she is interested in continuing, too big, yadda, yadda.  BUT, what she says instead is she could really get into church there at CCC...it is large, but they have a huge network of community groups and she loved the praise and worship and the message really spoke to her...I was happily shocked!

So, Deb, Jen and I have found a new church home...I'm hoping Joe will go with me next week...we'll see.

Either way, I can't tell you how nice it was to go to church and feel refreshed in a way I haven't in so long.

So I am technically on vacation this week, although I have talked to a co-worker 3 of the last 4 days and have checked and answered some work emails every day.  I wish I could just let go...I think it would take a much longer vacation to get me to that point. 

My SIL and I had our grand-daughters with us here at home until Tuesday - mine is exhausting, hers are not.  My grand-daughter lives in a completely different situation in which behaviors that I would never tollerate (and didn't tollerate with her dad) are OK.  I spent 3 days saying "don't do that Ariana, that isn't nice Ariana, that isn't lady like Ariana, what is wrong with you Ariana?????"  Frustrating,  but in the midst there were good times.  It's funny because I felt like I corrected her so much that she probably was glad to get home.  She told her mom that she didn't want to leave that she had such a good time.  Go figure.

Today I colored my hair to save money on going to the salon...I'm going back next month because the box lied!!!  I chose dark brown, looked at the side panel for what the color should look like, and colored away...except that on me...it's black!  I told Joe I am entering my vampire/goth phase apparantly. I am going to sit in the sun and read a book for a bit, I am hoping it will start to fade!!!  :)

Tomorrow, I am going to Wisconsin for my long-awaited quilting weekend away with some friends.  They are picking me up at 9am and we will be stopping at 2 quilt shops that I haven't been to in forever and then up to the log cabin of wonderfulness.  I will thouroughly enjoy someone else cooking all of  my meals, cleaning all of the dishes and allowing me to do nothing but sew!!!  I have a couple of quilts I want to work on.  I just need to cut some fabric today...I'm forever the procrastinator!

I have other things to post about, more in depth, but they will have to wait for another day as the sun awaits!!!

 

• So - a few weeks ago I graduated from college..finally, 25 years after I graduated from high school.  Since I did online classes through a university in Phoenix, AZ my family held a little surprise, silly ceremony for me at home.  Pictures of which are on my facebook.  Hilarity and silliness ensued and I felt like a complete dork, but there were several very sweet moments.  They presented me with a diploma signed by all of them (my "real" diploma won't arrive for a couple of weeks), they presented me with silly gifts, including the "golden onion".  This might make sense to those of you who have seen Twilight.  I loved their thoughtfulness.  My dad however, gets the prize for the best.gift.ever.  He paid off my car!  I screamed like I was being attacked.  I couldn't believe it.  Now, when my brother graduated college, he got a car too...but it was a 1979 VW Beetle.  A far cry from my 2009 Toyota Corolla.  Still completed floored by the whole thing.  It was so lovely on a number of levels...it allows me to save that money each month and hopefully be completely out of debt by next year.  Hmm, still can't believe it.
• Speaking of school, my 25 year high school reunion is taking place next weekend.  I will not be attending.  First of all because I don't really hang out with any of the people I went to high school with although with the emergence of Facebook I do occasionally chit chat with a couple, but also because I have gained so much weight since high school there is no way I am attending the "beach party themed" reunion at the country club of all places.  No thank you.  Finally, because it is 2 days after the duck race and I will be beginning my long-awaited "staycation".
• The Duck Race.  It is my most stressful time of the year.  Sell more than 30,000 rubber ducks before July 30.  Logistically plan for 30,000 rubber ducks to be dumped into the Chicago River off of a bridge that will raise at an appointed time...unless of course it is too hot, in which case the fire boat will need to spray the bridge until it cools enough to lift...please let the weather be mild.  Then watch as the ducks stay in the boom as they make their way down the river to the finish line where winners will be captured.  Then remove all of the ducks from the river, transport them and clean them, package them up and send them to the next race...all the while there is a festival going on in 2 locations with games, selling of souvenirs, selling of adoptions, etc.  There would be clowns if the ones I had communicated with hadn't retired or committed to other activities.  There would be a mime if he hadn't stopped mimeing.  There would be sports team mascots if my co-workers would make the calls they are supposed to make.  Ugh.  So many details, so little time.  But, on Thursday, July 30, it will all be fine.  What will be will be and at the end of the day I am off for a week.  So anyway, if you are so inclined to adopt a little rubber duck for YOUR chance to win some pretty great prizes, visit www.duckrace.com/chicago.
• My co-worker.  Her 21 year old special needs son decided a month ago that he was going to move out of her house to live with a crazy woman and her husband and 4 month old baby.  Why?  We had no idea...until recently...when my co-worker was notified that her son had signed over his SSI disbursement each month to this crazy woman.  What a crazy mess.  I feel badly for my co-worker.  She is a single mom and is really struggling with this.
• This is random, but I am excited about a weekend away I will be taking in 2 weeks with a couple of friends of mine.  We are going to Wisconsin to a huge log cabin in the woods, away from all reality to sew for 3 days straight!!!  I'm sure this does not sound like fun to most, but I am beside myself with excitement.  I went with the same group of girls a couple of years ago and have been aching to go back.  I can't wait for the solitude and productivity without stopping to make dinner (the owner makes lovely meals) without having to make a bed or do laundry...just the chance to be away with the girls and do what I want to do.  YUM!

Alright - enough rambling for one night.  Off to bed so I can tackle another day of work tomorrow.  Nighty-night y'all!